his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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