Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
