So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
