thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Blood and glitter go together right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
