Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
