another moral hangover. fuck.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i drank out of a bidet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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