I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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