Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
