So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
