so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
