They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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