I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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