Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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