where am i from again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The power of my boobs compel you
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
