Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
