I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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