if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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