Girls should come with a carfax report
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
