I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
