weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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