You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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