The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
