What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
