just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
