Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
