So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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