I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
