the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So squirting runs in the family.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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