by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
