Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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