please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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