Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
