In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
