Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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