i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
