Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
