Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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