Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
