i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
