Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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