Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
