:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
