Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
