For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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