There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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