my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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