"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
