Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
