I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
