I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
