It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
