Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
