i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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