aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
