i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
